The landscape of my life is completely different since my daughter’s heaven-going. I’m in a place in life I never dreamed I’d ever be, charting strange and new territory. My grief journey has given the GPS of my life a work out, constantly recalculating, as I adjust course and try new and different directions than ever before.
Not everyone understands my journey. I’m learning to be okay with that. For a people-pleaser like me, it’s difficult, though. That’s why I try to teach people a grief journey is much more complex than maneuvering through emotional peaks and valleys. It’s also a journey in search of a new sense of self, of family, of safety, and security; replacing, remaking, rebuilding what's gone because she's gone. I don’t quite know what I’m looking for in my journey, only that I’ll know it when I see it. I hope. My grief journey is trial and error, sometimes. Whether understood by others or not, I move onward. I’m making progress in finding my way, even when it's two steps forward and one step back, at times. My journey is sometimes a maze to be navigated, but I’m discovering meandering paths are not always the wrong path.
Life is an adventure. Always. Even before this. Everyone has times of recalculating their lives, whether it’s a grief journey or something else. The important thing to understand is that adventure is not a bad thing. Recalculating life is not a bad thing. One day I will say I would not have traveled this road if it hadn’t been for my grief journey. And, it will not be a bad thing.