It’s my third Mother’s Day without my daughter. I don’t know if it ever gets easier. It’s just one of those days that’s going to be emotional no matter what. But, is there anything wrong with it being emotional?
Very early on in this grief journey I learned how grief comes in waves. Now, here’s another analogy about the waves of emotion. Simply this. What if, instead of running from the waves, I surf them?
I’m not a surfer, and I don’t pretend to know anything about actual surfing. But, we’ve all watched surfers smoothly riding the waves, looking all cool out there, and making it seem easy. It’s not easy, of course, but the point is they do it anyway. From my vantage point as an observer, I watch. There’s the surfer, paddling out into the ocean, eyes on the waves, watching for the big one, waiting for the exact moment to stand up and master it, letting it carry her forward, confident, assured, yet prepared to wipe out and try again, if that's the way it goes.
Mother’s Day is a mighty big wave. I see it out there on the horizon and it’s building. By the time it gets here, it’s going to be a doozy, and here I am paddling on my little surf board in an ocean of emotions. This year, I’m determined not to run from it. I can’t ignore Mother’s Day. I can’t pretend it’s just another Sunday like any other. Instead, I’m going to stand up, find my balance, and let it carry me forward. I will surf those emotions, not drown in them.
What I’m trying to say is simply that being a mother was one of the best blessings of my life. And, I’m still a mother, even if my daughter has gone home. All the love and memories are still with me, worth celebrating, worth cherishing, worth embracing, and that includes all the emotions it comes with. Mother’s Day is not a day to steel myself, seal off my heart, and hibernate. It’s a good day to do some surfing.
Sara Faith Nelson
Sharing the journey, because, I find there are so many others making the trek through life without a loved one