I wake up some mornings with a great restlessness on the inside, struggling to find my balance in a life that's never going to be the same, fighting to figure out how to live my life now. I don't know what to do to make things normal again.
This morning I remembered something from childhood. I remember getting my tonsils out when I was 11. I was coming out of the anesthesia and fighting to wake up. I remember tossing and turning and crying and trying to ask the nurses, "Why can't I wake up?" A nurse very gently told me to stop fighting it, just go back to sleep, and I'd wake up naturally after the anesthetic wore off. And, I did. That sensation of fighting to wake up is still very strong, even after all these years, and it's very much how I feel in struggling to get my life together again and go on.
Just like the nurse who told me to stop fighting the anesthetic, I felt God telling me this morning to stop fighting so hard to move forward. Accept where I am on the journey. No matter how much I'd like to speed things along and get on with my life, I need to accept where I am today. Live THIS day and stop trying to cram all the days ahead into it. Accept each day as it comes. Do this day what needs to be done, and don't overload myself with demands.
Acceptance of life as it is rather than life as I'd like it to be is a difficult thing. When I stop fighting it, the surging, driving restlessness calms and I'm able to focus on which step to take and taking one step at a time.
Sara Faith Nelson
Sharing the journey, because, I find there are so many others making the trek through life without a loved one