Each new day the sun rises and sets, and days stretch into weeks and months. It’s been two years since That Day. (I’ve begun to use the term I’ve heard from others, and call it her angelversary.) As I peer into the misty future, I wonder what it will be like to cross this mile-marking day with each passing year. My continuous refrain is “Life goes on.”
Indeed, it does. Yet, I am not content to merely tick off the days on the calendar. At first, yes, that’s how I continued on. In survival mode, I curled up in my safe cocoon and weathered the stormy seas of early grief. Everyone grieves differently. Some people need the activity of resuming daily schedules and work routines. For me, it was better to hibernate. I’m so thankful for the luxury of solitude and quiet in that first year and into the second.
Although I still love quiet and solitude (that’s just me being me); there came a time this past year when I began stepping out from the shadows. I didn’t plan it or do anything to make it happen. Several things happened rather spontaneously, as if God was sending me opportunities to stretch. I resisted a little. Cautious. Checking the water, running back, trepidatiously returning to dip my toes in the water again.
Ultimately, a single incentive pressed me forward. We used to share a private joke back when WWJD was popular. If you recall, WWJD was an acronym for “What would Jesus do?” Not meaning to be irreverent, but it just came naturally to substitute Jeanette’s name, and it brought us more than a few smiles. That bit of silliness came back to my mind repeatedly this past year, but in the form of, “What would Jeanette want me to do?”
How should I live, and what should I be doing that would make Jeanette proud of me? What can I do that would bring her joy? We always think in terms of children carrying on their parent’s legacy, but it is no less a challenge in reverse. What can I do to carry forward Jeanette’s legacy? As I cross the threshold of her second angelversary, this is my inspiration.
Please understand. This is not meant to imply I don’t still cry or feel sad. Oh, yes, I miss her like crazy! But, I know her life goes on, in another place and another dimension, and more alive than she ever was here; even more alive than me! My life goes on too, in the here and now, so what should I do with each passing day? What would Jeanette want me to do?
Sara Faith Nelson
Sharing the journey, because, I find there are so many others making the trek through life without a loved one